I began this blog September of 2012 as a means to connect and reach out to other people while being a stay at home mom. My name is Becky. I am 28 years old, born and raised in Wisconsin (GO PACK GO!). I am married to my best friend and one of the most patient, kind, and encouraging men I know, Rick. We have two handsome and energetic boysWilliam and Benjamin. As I mentioned above, I am BLESSED to be able to stay at home with the boys during their young years.
When it comes to my core and my personal life I hesitate to share a whole lot for fear of judgement. But the longer of blessed days God has allowed me on the earth the more I realize, it's not about impressing people, or keeping up some facade, this life was meant to be lived and sometimes we make poor choices and then we deal with the consequences of those actions.
There is something I really have been challenged to discover and tap into and something I have been running from for a long time and it boils down to my past. We all have one. Here's my story.
My WHY has slowly come together and I hope I become increasingly more aware of it and and comfortable sharing it as time goes on. I have always loved fitness and nutrition and struggled in my teenage years with my body and self image. I had an eating disorder and didn't even really know it. All I knew is I wanted to be thin. Nothing major ever came of it and it wasn't a big issue other than not being very healthy. I was very active in sports and between that and major caloric restriction I developed some not so good habits and mindsets and it was only the beginning. Fast forward a few years later it was my senior year of high school. My gallbladder had shut down and caused me to miss 3 months of school in total. All my hopes and dreams of basketball and goal setting of college and my future seemed to be put on hold. I seemed to watch life go by instead of participate while I waited for the doctors to figure things out. I felt shut off from my social life completely and like I had no say in it. As all of this was going on, I was gaining weight there seemed to be nothing I could do about it. In this time I went from major caloric restriction to binging and purging. I figured if I couldn't control it one way, I'd try another way. Over the next few years I went in and out of times that were worse and times that were better. I knew I didn't want to do it, but didn't know how to stop. I tried counseling but it only seemed to make things worse. Then in my early 20's I decided, enough is enough and this wasn't going to control me and this was NO lifestyle I wanted to lead. I met my husband a few years later and am so happy to be free of this evil demon that struck my life. I have found other ways to express my feelings and I have to say it's something sometimes I really have to work at. My habits are good, but my thinking still needs a lot of work. My WHY comes from wanting to provide a healthy, prosperous life for my boys and my husband. I want to be as healthy and active as possible and rather than stuff my fears and destruct I now choose to DO IT AFRAID! I am passionate about life and want to help others do the same. I want to show my children that you can struggle and have that not be the end of the story. The only way change is to do something about it and the more I change towards becoming better, the more I am freed and blessed. I choose my feelings, I choose my attitude, I choose my goals, I choose my failures, I choose to not be the same. I choose to be MORE, to do more, to feel more. Am I afraid, YES! Am I uncomfortable, YES! I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be. I still have more of a story to tell and I know it will come in time. I look forward to getting to a place where I feel more comfortable with this.
I have lost touch almost all my friends because I pushed them away my senior year in high school.
When my gallbladder went haywire, I felt so angry (that why God was this happening to me!) scared (that the doctors wouldn't be able to help me and I'd be in pain for who knows how long), isolated (this was so new to me, being away from friends and my social life. My friends were amazingly supportive! They came over to my house to visit me, they wrote me cards, took notes for me in classes I was missing at school, and called me just about every night.
I admit I still fight and underlying fear but I believe God brought me through that time and He will continue to teach me ask grow. I know that God will use what I've been through to connect with those who are going through or have been through situations like mine.
Now, I have responsibilities and priorities to focus on. As we all do so easily by making things too much about ourselves, I'm blessed to have a wonderfully supportive and encouraging husband and 2 beautiful boys! The home life keeps me busy and I am seeking God as to how he'll use me as we're starting to think about the boys going to preschool next year. I'm learning how to have fun with my part time job and enjoying the benefits it's bringing to me and our family and the people I get to work with. I'm excited to see how God is going to use this and my past massage therapy and fitness training skills and put it all together or if I'll end up doing something completely different! God knows -- and I trust in, rely on, and am strengthened by Him!