Faith answered

When we don't have answers to our questions, whether future or present, we tend to try to fix and cultivate our own plan. The deeper we get into our plan, the less we involve God, aaaaaannnd the self-minded project begins to grow. 

At what point do we invite God in? And if we forget to or don't know how to, how do we go about adding Him in to this plan of OURS? Thankfully, I believe God sees and knows our heart. I tend to compare my attitude as a gauge for where my heart is at. If I am struggling with something it shows in my everyday life. The fact that the above plan was so selfish and not at all God-centered is key #1! Include God! 

I have been studying Job the past month and a half. While I knew his lfe in a nutshell, I never sat and read chapter by chapter in the Bible. There are all sorts of nuggets of goodies to take away. Particularly pertaining to my topic today I find solice and familiarity in Job 23:5, "I would learn what He would answer me, and understand why He would say to me."

I started out reading Job because I was struggling with a particular issue and it was ongoing and I had always did my best to schluffed it off to the side and (try to) be on my best behavior, but my spirit was hungry for more of God's truth. Trying to be nice only works when a person alctually does.  I knew I had a cold heart towards this issue, but hoped it would work itself out. I didn't fully bring it before God, and rarely did I make myself accountable for my thoughts and actions. Once I confessed and got back in line with Christ and who He has made me to be and my role and purpose, I then found the beginning to some answers. 

As it reads in Job 23:10 "But he knows te way that I take [He has concern for it appreciates, and pays attention to it]. When He has tried me, I shall come forth as refined gold [pure and luminuous].

You see, there is no such thing as trusting God without all our questions answered. If we know the answers, we have no need to trust God. 

Even as I write this I think to myself, 'Okay God, I have done well with this. I think I get it now. I have semi-mastered trust. Everytime I get into a situation where I need to trust You, I'll remember this time and be able to quote this scripture or reread this post and it'll solve my problem by inspiring me to have faith and trust you as I know to do and was reminded by your Spirit and Word.  BUT, that's not such the case, I believe as long as we are alive on this earth we will have things we do not understand. The sooner we can learn to trust God in the midst, the better. Please, say it with me today as you read this. I also encourage you to write it down and post in somewhere in your home or car, "God, I don't understand, but I trust You." 

Keep on keeping on my friend and be bold knowing Christ will never leave you not forsake you! He is working out His plan in and through you!! Take heart, even though sometimes you may not understand the why, we understand the Who! 

Anger be gone, in Jesus' name

Proverbs 22:6* says, "Train up a child on the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent] and when he is old he will not depart from it." 

Sometimes I am not proud to say that I raise my voice in anger when my kids,....wait a second, here we go, I'm off to excusing myself..... Forgive me for not finishing my thought and continuing tot type out that sentence, I will here in a moment, but I need to point of this heart issue I'm getting at and not just see that it happened but this anger has roots, DEEP roots, and it didn't develop over night nor will it go away that quickly either. 

Let's try this again. Sometimes I am not proud to say that I choose to raise my voice in anger when I interpret a situation I'm in to be frustrating, over burdening, annoying, or "the last straw".

I wouldn't teach my kids to think this way, so it is no way for me to be living if I want to set a Godly example. You see, when we raise our voices we are causing our children to hurt, fear or maybe even opening a door of the child stuffing bitterness. The kids also learn mommy will eventually snap if we keep pressing her in such a way that wears her out. 

There are so many characteristics I'd love to possess and it seems like I am in an ever swirling tornado working on at least one or two heart issues myself. Haha! Sometimes I look up answers for how to discipline or teach my children what the Bible says about their misbehavior, when often times I need to look at my behavior first!! 

Just how God may be upset or saddened or disappointed in the sin, he unconditionally loves the sinner. Such is the way I desire to be everyday. To wake up and pray that my boys will see me as someone they can turn to to trust, lean on, and come to, even when they are feeling angry or hurt. Even more than me, I desire to point them to God because He is MUCH more wise than I, and His Spirit is one I know can be their guide for the rest of their lives, and comfort them like no other. So while I am here on earth, I love being there to physically hold them or touch them and show them God's love, but ultimately I want them to know and feel their Heavenly Father's voice and touch just as, if not more so than if it were me in the room with them. 

How do you relate or talk or work through your anger? How do you teach & impress upon your children's heart the topic and choices about anger? I'd love to hear from you! 

This is an ever continuing lesson for me right now and I will be posting again soon with more perspectives and ideas about anger. 

*Amplified version

Beautiful timing

"He has made everything beautiful in HIS time!" Ecclesiastes 3:11

This verse is on my heart tonight. I'm not trying to say God has made beautiful, but more of the process of what beauty actually is and how it happens in His time. 

The vein side of me lately has been feeling a bit bummed. My jeans are fitting the tighest they have in some time. Immediatly I thought Awwww man!!! How did this happen? I'm not eating as cleanly as I know I could but I'm not doing THAT bad!!! But obviously it's enough to have changed the way my clothes fit. I haven't even reweighed myself from that previous Shakeology cleanse post because I just feel no matter what I do, I'm holing onto weight lately. I know it's my sleep (as I sit and type at 1:26am), and stress (I don't feel stressed right now but there are big changes happening & subconsciously I know I carry that in my body). And so between those two things and oh yes, my personal food intake (cals in vs cals out) AND lack of exercise, the pounds are creeping in.  When it comes to exercise, I started up again recently but now our treadmill and DVD player are packed, so I haven't been hitting it as hard or frequent as I'd like. I'm TOTALLY getting off subject here!! See! My vanity and pride have all these excuses! But I was thinking about this today and tonight and I thought I don't have to stay this way. I know things will calm down. I know I will get back to where I want to be, so there's no reason to stress about it or beat myself up for where I'm at. I am safe and warm and loved and have SO much. So my jeans are growing ever more tight... I guess I'll be sporting sweat pants or athletic pans till I can fit!  My main thought was God has me here for a reason, and rather than run AWAY and hide because I'm bummed and ashamed, I want to run TOWARDS him and hear him speak such promises to me! 

So it's really not about the jeans and I cannot help be reminded to be thankful for where I'm at right now and be thankful for what God is showing me. Though this as well I am reminded my body is His temple, as well as He is my body's ultimately healer and. So why not present my requests to Him and pour out my heart to Him.  Speaking of which, I will soon be writing another post about that very topic -- turning to God, not food. Until then, thank you for reading and I hope I've inspired you to find the beauty in yourself and your current circumstance!!! 

Sleepless

I have been sleepless the past few nights. Part of this is due to the chronic (pelvic) burning pain, and the other part is a mind full of ideas/todos/and honestly the peace and quiet is nice(I don't have much down time). I have a couple active "to do" lists I write my thoughts out and cross off the accomplished tasks, but between moving, and seriously looking into homeschooling lately I've got a gazillion thoughts running through my head. I hopped on to blog and say when I get in these funks my mind easily slips away so quickly and gets caught up in the chaos and I forget to step back and see what Christ is doing & ask Him how can I help serve His kingdom.

So I came back here to center myself and declare, I'm not going to be stressed or sabatoge myself because I don't fully have myself or my thoughts together lately!!!!

I saw this on a social media site today and I just LOVE the later mentality! 

I also saw this browsing Pinterest tonight

 

It's so true too! All we really need is Jesus. The rest is just details. We have wants & feelings & plans, but none of those matter if God is not the center. 

So while I may want answers and while I may search the internet hoping to find something that will fill me or take this uneasiness from me, all I really need to do is turn to Jesus and bring my requests before him. Rest. Trust. And believe He will continue to come through. 

Lastly, as I'm about to go to sleep, I'm going to pray that HIS will be my will. That HIS vision by my vision. That HIS heart be my heart. That HIS grace be my grace. That HIS joy be my joy. That HIS voice be my voice. That HIS hands and feet be my hands and feet. And most importantly, that HIS love be my love. 

Post op

Alrighty then. My body is getting a little too fluffy. This non movement is catching up with me and I've gotta tame the beast before it gets too far ahead of me!! I'm officially 6 weeks post laparoscopy surgery & I can work out and lift more than 20 lbs now. I have not worked out consistently the past 5-6 months because of the extreme pelvic pain I've been experiencing. OB is ruled out, moving onto possible back/pelvic nerve damage? My heart continues to go out to friends, family members & those I do not even know who live with any sort of pain on a daily basis. 

Weigh-in today: 146

3 day Shakeology cleanse

I'm supplmenting Shakeology for breakfast & lunch & eating a large vegetable for dinner. My goal is to drink 5 of my 24 oz water bottles before 7pm. I'll drink water upon rising & not eat past 8pm. Also this is ONLY 3 days & would be dangerous (in my opinion) to go on this low of a calorie regimn for more than 3 days. No snacks, no coffee, no soda, no candy. I may mix in some fruit but it will stay around 1/2 cup. 

Come back in 3 days & let's see what happens!!!

On a side note. I am not doing any intense workouts, just walking on treadmill & some weight lifting -- since I've lost most of my progress (muscle tone) from not working out the past 5 months, I will be starting slow.  We are also moving in 3 weeks which will throw off my routine, but not be impossible! 

As I typed that last sentence, all too quickly my mind is flooded with God's promises......"Nothing is impossible with God! I have created you in My image. You were born to bring glory to My name, not suffer. Draw near to Me & I will draw near to you. You have already won the battle, just take hold of it & believe!!! Believe in Me stronger than your doubt. Believe in Me stronger than your cravings. Believe in Me stronger than your insecurities. Believe in Me stronger than your pain. Believe in Me stronger than your discomfort. Believe in me stronger than your need to control. Believe in Me stronger than your plan. Just lift up your hands to Me & say, 'I believe'."

On a side note. I don't normally go by the scale. I go more by how my clothes fit. When I can tell I am gaining, I weigh-in to track my progress back down to normal range (for me I'm shooting for 130-135). So the scale saying 146 isn't like ohhhh I gotta loose weight. It just confirms my late night snacking and never-ending Christmas treats mentality needs to stop. I feel better, stronger, and healthier when I am not eating the junk & need to give myself a little wake up call. At the end of the day 146 is just a number and I am not defined by a number, it's simply a place to start and a knowledge base since I don't really know my weight at any given time unless I'm being weighed at a dr appointment or something. 

Homeschooling freebies

I have this big heart and desire to homeschool the boys but lack the confidence to know I will be able to teach them all they need to know. I need a schedule to follow with things like this and while there are many curriculums avaiable I hesitate to buy one because I don't want it to be repetitive of what we know or too advanced of where we are and then we'd be out the money. 

So thanks to Pinterest and the internet and many mommies who do have it together such as this blog <a href="http://weefolkart.com/content/winter-wonderland-preschoolkindergarten-curriculum"><img src="http://weefolkart.com/sites/default/files/winter-wonderland-button.jpg"></a> I can try to take a small approach to teaxhing and learning. She suggests additional materials which I'd need to buy, so I'm back to square one. Lol. I just want a guide book for me, the teacher and then an all encompassing math, phonics, reading, writing, spelling, art, literature, history, science pre-k/kindergarten cirriculum and struggle to find it. Abeka is one I'm considering but there too, you can pick and choose and I don't want to pick too much sit at the table and focus material for the boys, but I also don't want it to be boring and easy. 

This is where my ADHD just leaves this and goes on to whatever thought pops in my head but then not big gets done. Lol. 

With daddy being gone soon, I want to keep us busy and learning and it's moments like this I wish I had 2 million followers of this blog so I could get some good feedback. It may sound silly but I pray that an experienced home school mom will come along side me and mentor me and help me work through things such as how difficult I'm making the process to pick a cirriculum. Until then I know the boys are always learning and they are loved and that's truly what matters! 

Purpose

Is there a purpose for pain? 

Have you ever wondered that for yourself or maybe a friend or family member? Why would God allow this to happen? Why must pain come for His glory to be shown? Why can't we see His power in other ways? If you're hoping for that answer, I cannot give it to you simply because I am not God. But I can tell you that we have a choice how we will respond to the pain.

You may be one if those people who blame others or things. Start to list reasons of why this or that happened. And why is that exactly? Because you need to have an answer? I'm not saying that it's wrong. It's cause and effect, right? But what happens when the cause doesn't equal the effect? What happens when the effect just starts to go haywire and isn't lining up with the cause. Forgive me for going off on a tangent but it's interesting how our minds work to try and reason out why things are they way they are and if we don't have an answer, we start to create possibilities. But what if there is no answer? I'll touch on this again later. 

Another way someone may deal with pain is to draw back, to isolate, to start to say or think, "This is too much for me to bear". They may start lessening their expectations of themselves and ease into a lifeless depression.  There's also anger & rage, alcohol, eating disorders, and drug abuse. The sky is the limit when we seek to get this ugly monster of (be it acute or chronic) pain off our shoulders!!! 

We talked about what if there was no answer earlier and this is an interesting place God has brought me back to. Because so much of our FLESH is drawn to fear. Why am I in pain? How long will I be in pain? Will a doctor ever be able to help me? Will anyone understand what I'm going through? Will I ever feel normal again? Fear wants a reason. Fear needs a reason. Fear wants to know what's next!!! But the truth is fear is false. My fear is false. Your fear is false. Your neighbor's fear is false. Your husband's fear is false. Your mom's fear is false. Your child's fear is false.  When we line the fear up with what the Bible says we know that we can come back to that fear, that pain and look it straight in the eye and say, "I know that God will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that God has plans to prosper me, give me a hope and a future. I know God can easily shine through broken pots. God uses the humble and the meek. God has made me in His image. This too shall pass." Looking at things from the later perspective of God's truth and who HE says we are is a lot more freeing and hopeful than that fear and anxiety driven mindset.

It's not easy. It's not fun, but it's a choice and it's one we have to make EVERY SINGLE DAY! Whether it's rain or shine, I'm going to praise you all day long Lord! Whether this be one night or one year Lord, use me how you will, so that YOU get the glory! See this isn't about you and me. Think of all the people that can relate to this story but don't know the end. They don't know that Jesus saves!!! They don't know that they can physically be in pain but be living in a joyful mindset because if they did, they'd know their treasure lie not in this world! Have faith! 

I feel like I'm getting off on another tangent but it's so real! It doesn't get anymore real than this. There are so many people abusing SOMETHING out there to fill a void and it's an inner PAIN that ONLY God can fill. And no matter if it's mental, emotional, spiritual or physical God wants to be our healer, but we have to ask!!! We have to invite Him! We have to allow Him to get rid of the filth and dirt and let Him change us so that our attitude set on, fixed and constantly gazing in His direction. 

So ugh! What now Becky!? I do feel like I do that...And I'm still in pain. Well then, you know what I would say to you? First, I wish I could hug you, because I'm a huger and I just like to love on people, but second, hang in there! God's got you! He sees you! He's with you and He won't let you go!! He's not forgotten about you like you're yesterday's news. You'll get your answer and until you do, you keep believing that it will be today! God deserves to be praised in the good times and bad. He is holy and mighty and I believe will do a mighty work in you and me, but we must keep believing and confessing and living a righteous life, loving others, even WHILE we hurt!!! 

My heart goes out to you tonight if you are in pain. Please don't just read this and go away. If you need to talk, please send me a note or prayer request and I'd love to come along side you and lift you up! Don't stop believing! 

I have included just a FEW of the many promises of God below! I urge you to

jump head first and take some time to find some verses from the Bible that mean something to you and write them down. Post them on your fridge, bathroom mirror, in your car, on your dresser. Share them with your family or children. Speak life and truth and focus on it!